Building Systems That Last. The TEAM US Method for Sharing the Load
After my conversation with Christy and Will Lowy, they walked me through a simple weekly check-in they teach to couples, one that helps keep resentment from quietly rebuilding: the TEAM US Method.
Below, I’ll share how it works, why it matters, and how you can adapt it inside Persist to design a calmer, more connected home.
Didn’t catch Part 1? Start with their story here
The Simple Weekly Check-In That Stops Resentment from Piling Up
Most couples say they “talk” about this stuff.
But what they really mean is logistics:
Who’s doing pickup. Who’s ordering groceries. Who’s on the dentist reminder.
Helpful but not enough.
The TEAM US Method offers a structure for going deeper:
T: Touch
A moment of connection first. Check in as humans, not co-workers.
E: Educate
Share what’s actually on your plate. All the tasks, decisions, emotional load.
(Pro tip: use your Persist CareLoad Assessment here to make the invisible visible.)
A: Admiration
Not just “thanks for doing dishes,” but appreciation for who your partner is and how they show up. That deeper recognition refuels both people.
M: Metrics
Ask specific questions like:
“What can I do better to be your partner this week?”
“Is there one thing that would make your load feel lighter?”
Then add:
U: Unhide
“Is there anything you’re scared to say out loud?”
This is where the real stuff lives—and where trust is built.
S: Stop / Start
What will we stop doing, loosen, or outsource?
What will we start doing to support ourselves and each other?
Pause & Reflect:
If life threw you a curveball tomorrow, would your household system hold—or would everything fall on one person again?
Why You Should Build Your System Before Life Gets Hard
When life is calm, it’s tempting to coast. But Christy & Will learned that waiting until a crisis hits makes everything harder.
They faced multiple “life quakes”: a new baby, a move, career changes, the loss of a parent. Because they already had a shared system, they could adapt instead of implode.
A strong household framework means:
If one partner is hit hard, the other isn’t starting from zero
You already have language for “this is too much”
You can flex, not fracture
Persist takeaway:
You don’t need to wait for burnout or breakdown. Small, consistent check-ins build the muscle memory for resilience.
If you’re new to system-building, our guide to Persist vs To-Do Lists breaks down what makes a real shared system work.
Radical Accountability, Without Blaming Yourself
Christy & Will call this radical accountability: seeing your role in the system without taking all the blame.
It looks like this:
Assume good intent whenever possible
Get curious before getting defensive
Own your impact without excusing real imbalance
Inside Persist, that same mindset powers the CareLoad Assessment. Once you can see the imbalance, you can work together to rebalance it.
If you haven’t yet, explore how this approach connects to the Shift Method, our three-step process to pause, shape, and share the load.
What We Can Learn from Christy & Will
A few truths worth holding onto:
You’re allowed to evolve. The life you wanted pre-kids isn’t a binding contract.
“Doing it all” has a cost. Overfunctioning quietly erodes capacity and connection.
Systems are love. Check-ins and shared standards aren’t rigid—they’re how you protect each other when life gets loud.
Don’t wait for a breakdown. Proactive care isn’t dramatic; it’s smart.
For more stories like this, read What It Takes to Share the Load: A Conversation with Brian Page.
Start Your Own Reset Inside Persist
If you’re ready to take the first step toward a lighter, more balanced life:
Take the CareLoad Assessment (free).
See the full picture of your invisible work in minutes.Share your results in a “TEAM US” check-in.
Use it to start the conversation and not an argument.Shift together.
Persist’s guided prompts and activities help you design a system that fits your real life, not someone else’s version of 50/50.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re asking for a life you actually built together.
Start now. Take the CareLoad Assessment
(Missed the first part of their story? Catch up here)
