What It Takes to Share the Mental Load: A Conversation on Sharing the Mental Load
When does “helping” become truly shared responsibility?
In this candid conversation with Brian Page, educator, financial literacy advocate, and dad. We explored how partners can shift from surviving the chaos of family life to designing a more balanced one.
This isn’t a conversation about chores.
It’s about identity, partnership, and what happens when good intentions meet real exhaustion.
The Shift Method: A Framework for Real Change
Before we got into Brian’s story, Ellie introduced the Shift Method. The foundation behind Persist and a practical way to start lightening the load.
Because there are only three ways to get to less:
Stop: Let go of what no longer matters.
Shape: Redefine how things get done.
Share: Shift responsibilities to someone else — your partner, your village, or trusted support.
Each sounds simple. That is until beliefs, guilt, or identity get in the way. Persist helps families uncover those hidden blockers and create systems that actually fit their lives.
The Breaking Point: When Doing It All Stops Working
Brian’s story is one that many families will recognize.
As he built his career and supported his family, he also built a system that left no room for himself — or for true partnership at home.
“I was on four hours of sleep a night for two straight weeks. My wife rubbed my shoulders, and I just broke down. I remember thinking: I can’t do this. I’m going to die.”
That moment became his turning point. A catalyst for the first real conversation about balance, equity, and what it means to be a partner beyond the paycheck.
Rethinking Success, Identity, and the Mental Load
Like many men, Brian had internalized that being a good husband and father meant being a relentless provider. But as he reflected:
“I was building wealth, not connection. I wish I had enjoyed being a dad more — just lived in the moment instead of trying to engineer their success.”
Now, he’s focused on equal leisure time. Ensuring both partners can rest, recharge, and reconnect without guilt. Because true equity isn’t just about who does what; it’s about who gets to breathe.
Start the Conversation: “What Does the Ideal Partner Look Like to You?”
When asked for one piece of advice for couples who feel out of sync, Brian offered something surprisingly simple:
“Ask your partner, ‘What does the ideal partner look like to you?’ Then really listen — without getting defensive.”
It’s a deceptively small question that surfaces big assumptions — and gives couples a shared starting point for redesigning how they live and work together.
(Pro tip: Save this one for a quiet moment, not the middle of paying bills.)
Why Shared Mental Load Matters
Persist helps families see what’s weighing them down — so conversations like these can lead to clarity, not conflict.
Whether you’re a parent, partner, or caregiver, understanding why you’re carrying so much is the first step toward lightening the load.
The goal isn’t perfection or a 50/50 split — it’s awareness.
Because once you can see the full load, you can start to shift it.
See What’s Weighing You Down
It takes five minutes to see your mental load clearly and start lightening it today.
