Before the Baby Comes: What No One Tells You About the Mental Load
So you’re in that sweet spot:
The two of you share things pretty equally.
You’re a great team.
You’ve talked about kids (maybe you’re already trying), and you feel confident, excited even.
Your friends with kids say it’s going to change everything.
You nod.
They laugh.
But in the back of your mind, you’re wondering… what exactly is going to change?
Let’s talk about it.
The real shift isn’t just diapers or daycare.
It’s the mental load, the invisible system of worry, planning, remembering, and anticipating that kicks in the moment a child enters the picture.
And it often lands, without warning, on one person.
It starts subtly:
Who’s tracking wake windows?
Who’s noticing the diaper cream is low?
Who’s Googling every rash at 2am?
At first, it might feel like you're just better at handling it. Or that your partner will step up “when they need to.”
But if you’re not intentional, you’ll look up one day and realize you’re not just the default parent, you’re the entire household OS.
But here’s the good news: You’re not there yet.
Which means you have time.
You have the chance to start with alignment, not resentment.
To create a system that doesn’t just survive the baby phase but supports both of you through it.
Here are three things you can do now to prepare:
1. Talk about the invisible work, before it’s invisible.
What kinds of labor do each of you take on right now? Who handles planning, initiating,
follow-through? Make the default work visible before life gets louder.
2. Get comfortable with handing things off completely.
Not “reminding” your partner. Not “delegating.” Actually trusting them to own things start
to finish. (Even if their version looks different.)
3. Set your household values before the noise begins.
Do you both want a calm home? A sense of humor? An early bedtime? These values (not tasks)
should shape how you divide the work when baby comes.
Want help having these conversations?
That’s literally what we built Persist for.
Not just for burned-out moms (although we love them), but for couples before they get buried in default roles and silent resentment.
In Persist’s free app, you can:
Surface what actually matters to each of you
Track the invisible work before it becomes a problem
Start building a shared system that holds both of you—not just one
No drama. No judgment. Just a system that works.
Before the new baby arrives.
