Stop - Why Letting Go Feels Impossible (and How to Start)
You know you’re overloaded. The calendar is jammed, your brain is buzzing and you’re stretched thin.
And yet, the idea of stopping, actually taking something off your plate, is terrifying.
Why is letting go so hard, especially when what you want most is less?
The Invisible Weight Behind “More”
Stopping isn’t just about crossing fewer things off a list. It’s about unraveling the invisible system underneath:
Guilt: You worry that if you stop, you’re letting someone down.
Judgement: You hear the imaginary critics, your parents, friends, coworkers, asking why you couldn’t handle it.
Identity: You’ve tied your worth to being the one who holds it all together.
And for many women and caregivers, the pressure isn’t imagined. Research shows that mothers shoulder 71% of the household mental load, compared to fathers at 29%. That imbalance isn’t just unfair, it directly fuels stress, burnout, and resentment.
This isn’t just about tasks. It’s about beliefs and expectations baked in for years, sometimes even generations.
The Biology of Why We Can’t Stop
It turns out your brain is working against you.
The Zeigarnik Effect: Psychologists discovered that our brains are wired to remember unfinished tasks more vividly than completed ones. That’s why leaving things undone feels unbearable. Your brain keeps nudging you like a pop-up notification you can’t dismiss.
Decision Fatigue: Every small choice drains willpower. By the end of the day, you’re running on fumes. It’s easier to “just do it” than wrestle with the discomfort of leaving it undone.
Precrastination: Some people don’t procrastinate, instead they precrastinate, rushing to complete tasks immediately just to feel relief. The problem? You’re trading efficiency for exhaustion.
Together, these forces make stopping feel unnatural. Your nervous system resists rest, even when rest is exactly what you need.
Why Stopping is an Act of Resistance
We live in a culture that rewards doing more - work more, parent more, optimize more. The idea of less can feel almost rebellious.
But neuroscience shows that rest is not a luxury. It’s a productivity tool. When your brain has space to idle, it recharges attention, restores creativity, and lowers stress. Doing less is not giving up. It’s giving your brain and body what they need to function.
Real-Life Experience: The Things You Can Actually Stop
Stopping doesn’t mean skipping your child’s birthday or refusing to cook dinner. It means recognizing the obligations you’ve been carrying out of guilt, habit, or optics and then letting them go.
Here are a few real-life examples:
Thank-you notes: “I used to write every card for my partner’s family. Now, I’ve stopped. If his family values handwritten cards, that’s his standard to own - not mine.”
Holiday card:s If sending 200 cards every December drains you, stop. A quick text or call shows love, without the postage and added stress.
Every Invitation: You don’t need to RSVP “yes” to every birthday party, coffee invitation, or neighbor play date, especially if it’s not meaningful to you or your kids.
Another kid activity: Sometimes the best stop is protecting open space, even if it means fewer enrichment opportunities.
The truth: something will fall. And yes, it may feel uncomfortable. But it’s also the only way to make space for what matters most.
Practical Ways to Practice Stopping
Stopping doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a muscle you build.
Here are four science-backed ways to start building your muscle.
Name it: Write down one thing you’d love to never do again. Naming it takes it out of the mental swirl and makes it real.
Challenge the Belief: Ask, “What’s the worst that happens if I stop?” Often, the fallout is far less catastrophic than your brain predicts.
Test Small: Stop doing one low-stakes task this week. Maybe it’s the coffee date you didn’t really want to go to. Maybe it’s sending thank-you notes. Let it go and notice what happens.
Batch Instead of Scatter: If stopping entirely feels impossible, try batching. Group similar tasks into one focus block. Instead of tidying endlessly, clean once. Instead of checking emails 17 times, check twice. Batching reduces decision fatigue and buys back energy to create small wins.
How Persist Helps
Stopping is hard because you can’t always see the system that’s weighing you down. That’s where Persist comes in.
The CareLoad Assessment makes the invisible visible—pinpointing the tasks draining you most.
Insights guide you toward where pressing pause will bring the biggest relief.
Partner Conversations give you the language to reset expectations—without turning it into a fight.
Start free today. See your CareLoad and choose one thing to Stop this week. Because less isn’t just possible. It’s necessary.
